Fidelity

The author and his bride, June 1982. Note the shoes kicked off into the grass.

Someone recently asked me about my marriage. "You've been married forever," he said, "and I know you believe in love. So why did you have Ed take up with a married woman in your novel?"

It's a fair question. I responded that Jane's marriage was over long ago, destroyed by her husband's many infidelities, even if the emotional hold had not yet severed completely. I said that two years of soul numbing grief clouded Ed's judgment. He did not understand how I could even consider that as part of the narrative.

The truth is I stole my wife from another a man. A teenager, more exactly. Denise was sixteen and I was seventeen. When we met in Canada, she told me she had a boyfriend. Someone she was dating. In fact, as we were returning to Ohio, she told me that although she wanted to keep in touch, she was waiting for him to ask her to go with him. (Writer's Note: for those of you who didn't grow up in the backwaters of Ohio 'going with' or 'going steady' was a declaration of exclusivity. I think it may still be practiced in some smaller communities.)

When Denise told me that, I responded brashly, immediately saying "Well, I would go with you." I did not realize that what I was really saying was "I love you desperately. I want to marry you and raise a family together and be yours forever," but that was the pledge I was making, and when Denise said "Okay," she was making it in return. I wasn't sure, in the moment, if her 'okay' meant yes. I feel the same or was simply an acknowledgement that she heard my words. It took me another month to kiss her, so it wasn't exactly like some romance story, even if it may have been the most romantic thing ever.

I don't know if I would call our relationship love at first sight. We were both captivated at first sight, and after spending five days together were head-over-heals in love, but was it instantaneous? I will say that no other person has ever impacted me that way. Meeting Denise was as influential on me as the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs (but in a good way.) She changed me to my core. What is most amazing to me is that we are as different as people can be but have become an integrated whole. I'm shy and very quiet; Denise will talk with anyone and everyone. Denise is emotion-based and I am hyper-rational. I can tell you before I leave for work when I will change lanes all the way to campus; Denise will drive to her work a different way every day based on what strikes her in the moment. I work with data and narrative; Denise works with people.

She is the most compassionate person I've ever met. She is a master at holding difficult conversations and holding others accountable for their actions, but, invariably, they later thank her for her insight and care. Denise is also a healer. I'll never forget the day, on our way to a family vacation, when we were walking slowly through the Richmond airport. We were waiting in the luggage claim area, when I notice an older man, alone, using a wheelchair, staring at Denise. He slowly and cautiously wheeled himself across the cavernous room to approach her and without saying a word, took her hand in his. Denise said hello and they chatted for maybe two minutes and he left, but he left changed. He was energized and confident and happy. I had never seen a person transfer energy that way before. It was incredible. Maybe it happened because we got unexpectedly upgraded to first class on the flight and were still buoyant from that experience, but I think it was Denise. She attracts people who need emotional healing as if she were a bright beacon on a dark night.

Do I feel guilty that I 'stole' Denise from another man? Absolutely not. I feel blessed that I listened to that small voice in my head that said, 'you belong together' and that I overcame my fear and shyness to pursue her. Even if I never could have understood what path I was committing to follow.

We cannot abide cruelty. You can honor Denise by being a service to someone who needs your support.

Learn about Ed's journey to Love, and my other novels at www.jeffersonblackburnsmith.com