Expiration Date

AI generated image of an expiration date.

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(Writer's Note: Headline writers are liars; we all click on things that don't turn out to be what the damn headline implied. Here you were wondering what kind of writing chops I must possess to compose a blog post about expiration dates only to discover it was a rhetorical trick to get you to buy my book. Honestly, time is expiring to save 20% and I am writing about expiration dates. I don't really mind if you want to pay full price for Love. It's certainly worth it. However, if you are cheap like me, and buy your clothes at Dollar General, this is a good deal.)

As a writer I read a lot of fiction (not as much as I would like or feel like I should read, unfortunately.) I will be the first to admit that mysteries are not my first choice read, but I find that I am reading mysteries every single day, as soon as I step into the kitchen. What the hell does "Best by" mean, exactly? I like ambiguity. If you read any of my novels, you will see that my characters live in ambiguity. But I have never forced one of them to deal with the best by date on a can or a carton of milk. There is a cooking scene in Love, by the way, but I was not trying to make sense of expiration dates when I was writing the novel.

For me, "Best by" dates are the stuff of fantasy. The can is sealed. The egg whole. The carton of milk--once opened--has a smell test that is more accurate than any date printed on the carton. So, when I look at that date--if I have the hour required to actually make out what the date is--my reference becomes how many months or years have passed? (Spouse note: Denise is more of a "that says next week throw it out person", a constant source of conflict in our 47-year relationship.) Even produce remains fresh for weeks after the "Best by" date.

I do think manufacturers have determined the absolutely worst spot on their package to print an expiration date and target that spot every single time. I would bet that half of the products I buy have a date printed on them that is indecipherable. (Writer's note: another word guaranteed to win your Scrabble game, if you play with double tiles). They like to print over dark graphics, across uneven surfaces that distort the characters and in places you will not think to look. Why bother?

Unfortunately, books expire too, once that fall out of print. If you only purchase books on the internet, you are missing the chance to read some amazing works. Go to bookstores. Nothing is more fun than browsing for hours. Go to used bookstores as well. You will be amazed at what you can find.

Here's an expiration date for you: November 3, 2026.

We cannot abide cruelty. Stay warm this week and think about those among us who will need additional help to get through the cold and snow.

Btw: the AI image generator struggled to understand Best by date and expiration date. We are clearly not posting enough images to the web of expired food. If AI is going to exploit everything, we need to be sure it has everything to exploit. Get on it!