Fear

AI generated image of a scared writer.

The popularity of Halloween and horror movies suggest Americans love fear, or at least they love the emotional frisson of being scared without really being at risk. I would encourage them to give writing a try, an occupation that I find filled with fear. Fear of failure. I am not even talking about being afraid you will never find a publisher for your book, or if you do, that no one will read it. I am talking about the existential fear of not being able to manifest the tendrils of images gnawing in your brain into a narrative that you, the writer, think is worthy of being read by other people.

When I defended my master's thesis (Bitchery and Abomination: Identity and Otherness in Dracula and Light in August) my advisor told me that when he approved the concept, he did not think I could pull it off. I did not either, but I went after it and passed. By the way, isn't that the best title ever? I may have passed just because of the fabulous title. The actual thesis may be junk, but when you can use words like Bitchery or Abomination in a title you deserve credit. And when you can use both of them in the same title, you deserve to be awarded a master's degree in English literature.

That work holds another distinction: it was the last master's thesis in English awarded by Ohio State. I spent six years working on my undergrad degree and two years on my master's but left without my degree. When I applied to complete my degree, a decade later, I was told the English department no longer allowed master's students to write a thesis; everyone had to take the comprehensive exam. I was very direct. I would have needed to do all of my coursework over to pass the comprehensive exam, so if that was the only option, I would not return. Also, when I was a student, the only candidates who chose the exam where the students who were too afraid to try to write the thesis. Luckily, the director of the grad program decided to let me finish under the catalogue in place when I was admitted, back in 1985, which allowed me to choose the thesis option.

Truthfully, I have never started a writing project believing I was a strong enough writer/storyteller to pull it off. I have been proven right again and again. My computer is littered with wrecks and disasters that petered out or slammed into indifference and died an ugly death. I never get rid of them (I even have old computers I do not use any longer with old manuscripts still on them) because they serve as warning about the pitfalls of what I do. Like a massive lighthouse warning a schooner away from hidden shoals, my failures flash a warning against the hubris of writing anything.

The other reason I never discard failed manuscripts is because I grow as a writer every day. At some point in my life, I might have gained the skills to salvage that wreck and turn it into something meaningful, or at least to find a way out of the trap I wandered into years earlier. Most of my books have been worked on, set aside and returned to months or years later. When I do that, I read with a mix of admiration and abject horror, but in the crap, I am able to find the narrative that eluded me in the past and bring it forward. It is really a lot like Dr. Frankenstein creating his monster. After digging up a corpse from the cemetery, you must throw away the body parts that no longer work and find new pieces to create a living whole.

We must not abide cruelty. Donate to your local foodbanks to support those whose benefits have been lost to the government shutdown.

And now, thanks to our friends at Black Rose Writing, Love: a novel of grief and desire is available to you at a discount! Save 20% on your purchase when you buy directly from the publisher. Just use the promo code SEASON20 at the link below. The discount is good through January 31, 2026. 

Purchase